Passionate love, which can turn toxic and bitter (or even… fade away), isn't the only domain of romantic relationships. Friendships are also complex dances that can end in tears and goodbyes. When some of your connections just don't show upOn the rightmore, you must be wonderinghow to know when to end a friendship.
"A healthy friendship should feel like a safe space where you can be yourself, share your inner thoughts and feelings, don't have to worry about judgment, and generally feel uplifted instead of demeaned," says the psychotherapist.Lillyana Morales, LMHC. "If you're feeling uncomfortable, unhappy, or angry with someone, it might be time to think about what might be causing those feelings."
Sometimes you just find yourself in different places in your life, which in itself can be benign. At other times, red flags are raised almost daily by toxic, disrespectful, and deceitful friendships. It is not your responsibility to do all the work of a relationship alone. When your communication attempts keep failing, it helps to know whatTypes of friends you should get rid of.
Of course, that doesn't mean you can't have ups and downs and head-to-head fights with your best friends. At least some level of conflict is inevitable, especially the closer you get to someone. But especially if you deal with these conflicts constructively ("I didn't likeX"instead of "You're an idiot"), you should expect the same level of respect and communication ("I see, how can we fix this?" instead of "You're too sensitive"). If you don't get treated like you deserve, one of these 15 Red Flags for Friendships could be at play.
1. The friend who makes you shine
If your partner keeps implying that everything in a friendship is your fault, it might be time to call.Handlingwhat is and jumps. Listen to their actions instead of their words when they treat you like crap as they tell you how much they care about you. They might accuse you of being overly sensitive and cruel if you explain why it hurt you when they said your new dress would fit better. If he habitually does these things and blames you when you try to resolve them, it's probably time to give him the friend card back.
2. The friend who doesn't respect your limits
If you have that one friend who keeps calling you late at night even when you say you're going to sleep, they may not be respecting your boundaries. You may need to take the step of communicating your limits to your friends first and enforcing them. It can be scary to be so emotionally exposed, but you should tell your boyfriend that while you usually enjoy hugs and physical affection, you don't like being touched when you cry. (Of course, they should probably ask first and call later, but communication goes both ways.)
"Setting boundaries early in friendships can make all the difference when it comes to having a healthy, quality relationship with someone," says Morales. "Being open and honest about who you are and where your limits lie requires vulnerability, but a healthy connection with another human being can be rewarding."
3. The friend who never comes near you
You're the one who always calls to hang out and whenfriend reply to your messages(What are you doingNOhappens often), it always feels like they are doing you a favor. "Yeah, I think Friday dinner suits me. I'll be a little late. Oh, and I have to leave early. Is that great too? If this sounds too familiar, you can request better communication.
4. The friend who doesn't respect your time
I'm not talking about the friend who lives with chronic pain and sometimes has to change plans. because they have an outbreak. I'm talking about the friend who is always three hours late without texting or apologizing, or the friend who constantly lets you down without confirming or canceling plans, leaving you in a constant state of limbo over what the deal is. You don't have to play this limbo game because you can really raise the bar.
5. The friend who judges you by your goals
Your friendsoHe yells at you when you make mistakes, but there's a big difference between how you feel when your best friend gives you good advice (even if it's hard to swallow) and how you feel when a friend tells you off and condemns your dreams. Reality checks are often necessary, but when the answer to your big dream is, "Uh, why would you do that?" or "I mean, Isayingif you really want it", you will know that you deserve more attentive support.
6. The "I'm just being honest" friend
"Ofthey arevery clingy in relationships," they say, if you're worried your friend will tune out when you try to talk to her about your feelings. Your friend may be telling you things with a grain of truth, but that's never the whole picture. You Deserve someone who is kinder when they think there is a hard truth you have to face.
7. The friend who never asks how you are
It takes an hour and a half to talk about me, me and me to finally ask how you are. Reallydohe wants to hear about his work, but he wants to be given the same emotional space in return. After all, friendship shouldn't be a one-way street. If you try to explain that to themYou need more attention in the relationship.and have not changed their behavior (although they did apologize andIt isheard you), they may just be waving your old red flag.
8. The friend who's only your friend when it's right
Maybe they're hanging out with friends, or they're in town and need a place to sleep, even though they haven't responded to your messages in months. When you feel that they arenot exactly with you, but they are just a powerful presence in your life, if you really have nothing else to do, it's reasonable to wonder if you need them in your life.
9. The friend who doesn't respect your identity
You like to introduce your new girlfriend to your inner circle, but they tell you that you are "going through a phase." You might say that you "talk too much about race" or that you are "overly sensitive" to people's witty jokes. Maybe they've been best friends since they were kids, so they say it's you.Actuallyaccustomed to their old pronouns and names. But if he's using your identity to belittle or belittle you, or doesn't make an effort to understand you, he's definitely not the person you need in your life.
10. The friend who makes you feel like a failure
List, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.", but also... sometimes people are simpleidiotsIt's one thing when they've been promoted and you're so happy for them, but it reminds you that you're not where you want to be yet. It's a whole different situation when your boyfriend celebrates himself by putting you down by constantly implying (or even outright saying) that he's the smartest and most successful person in the room.
11Best friend from college, but we've drifted so far, dude
"Sometimes we find ourselves in relationships with people we were excited to connect with at first, but wonder why they're still in your phone contacts or social media friends now," Morales says. Okay, it can be painful, but it's okay to shrug and say, "We had a beautiful connection once, and I'm grateful for that, but now we're in very different places." Moving doesn't mean you have to formally break ties, but it's okay if you feel less invested in a friendship that used to be your whole world. It doesn't make you a bad person, it's just about bringing your whole selves to the table every day, and sometimes our whole selves just don't fit in with old friends anymore.
12. The friend who is only there when you need something
Sure, you could text or see them quite often, but they only seem to be fully with you when they need something. Whether it's that ex they saw over the weekend, you always seem to be there for them while they're always busy when you need help solving a work crisis. You deserve more reciprocity than that.
13. The friend whose guilt gets you down
"Ask yourself if you feel rejected, ignored, judged, negative energy in space, or walking on eggshells to avoid conflict with someone," says Morales. If you have a friend who blames you for enforcing your limits or communicating your needs, these bad friendship symptoms are likely to show up everywhere. "I would have invited you to my birthday party, but I know you're so down all the time" is a great way to make yourself feel guilty about choosing.miDelegitimize your mental health needs, all in painful text. If guilt trip isn't on your dream destination list, saying goodbye is more than okay.
14. The friend who betrays your trust
You want to be able to tell your best friend about the argument you and your partner had, including the parts where you screwed up. They certainly expect these conversations to remain private because they promised they would. But when you hear from your best friend's roommate's boyfriend's cousin that you're a complete jerk in your relationship, you definitely rethink what you want to share with them in the future (when you both have a future). .
15. The friend who invalidates your feelings
When you're having an anxiety attack at the club and your boyfriend tells you to quit because you're ruining everyone's night, it's definitely time to go. "You're great at your job and I'm sure you'll be fine" is a very different response to "Oh come on, you're not going to get fired, don't be silly." Misunderstandings happen, of course, but when your friend refuses to solve the problem, you deserve to surround yourself with people who really care about you.veryou, no matter how you feel.
Experts:
Lillyana Morales, LMHC, MA in Mental Health Counseling, Psychotherapy
This article was originally published on